The Tug-of-War at Home
Running an SME in New Zealand blurs the line between business and life. Homes double as offices, partners pitch in, and children grow up hearing shop talk at the dinner table. For many owners, stress doesn't just come from the business. It comes from the ongoing strain between family commitments and work demands. When that balance breaks, relationships bear the brunt.
Liam, who owns an engineering firm in Hamilton, learned this the hard way. His wife would joke that she was a “business widow.” He worked long days and weekends, missing concerts and dinners. The family accepted it for a while, assuming it was a short-term sacrifice. But the years dragged on. One day, his teenage son said, “You care more about the business than us.” That single sentence landed harder than any financial hit.
Pivotal People often work with owners like Liam. The pressure to perform, provide and preserve the business weighs heavily. But it’s often relationships that fracture first when boundaries disappear.
Why Balance Is So Hard
The difficulty lies in overlapping loyalties. Owners carry staff, clients and suppliers in one hand, family in the other. Pivotal People regularly hear these themes:
Owners prioritise staff welfare ahead of their own
Financial stress is hard to leave at the door
Business hours creep into every part of the day
NZ culture rewards grit, not balance
Guilt builds on both fronts: at work and at home
Liam described it as being “present everywhere but belonging nowhere.” Many SME owners relate.
Rethinking the Issue
Balance doesn’t mean equal time. It means intentional time. Pivotal People guide clients to treat family as key stakeholders in the business. When you factor them in early, priorities get clearer. Choices become conscious, not reactionary.
Think of it like a see-saw. It won’t sit flat, but regular shifts keep it from crashing.
Practical Approaches from Pivotal People
Draw a clear line between home and work. Even in the same physical space, define when the business day ends.
Speak honestly with your family. Share challenges and pressures without hiding the hard stuff.
Book family time first. School plays, birthdays and anniversaries should go in the diary before meetings.
Let go of control. Delegate responsibilities so the business doesn’t depend solely on you.
Create family rituals. Regular dinners, tech-free Sundays or evening walks build connection.
Involve family meaningfully. Give them a voice in the journey. Sometimes even asking their opinion changes the tone.
Use external support. Pivotal People, mentors or peer groups can help separate the personal from the professional.
None of these steps are quick fixes. But together, they reduce the friction that builds when business always takes first place.
Case Study One – Liam’s Turning Point
After that gut-punch from his son, Liam took action. He brought on a general manager to absorb the operational load, something he had postponed for too long. He drew a hard line around family events. No more last-minute cancellations. Staff adapted faster than expected. At home, the atmosphere softened. Liam realised he didn’t need to be everywhere. His presence mattered most where it counted.
Case Study Two – A Gisborne Orchardist
Moana ran a thriving orchard with her husband and teenagers. Work and family bled into one another constantly. Dinner was often just another strategy meeting. After some tense months, Moana introduced one rule: no business talk after 7pm. It felt strange at first, but over time, it created space for real conversation. Her children eventually joined succession planning discussions with pride instead of frustration. The orchard was still a family business, but it was no longer business at the cost of family.
The Emotional Layer
This chapter hits deeper than strategy. Owners often feel they’re falling short everywhere. At work, they’re distracted. At home, they’re absent. Pivotal People remind clients that guilt isn’t useful unless it fuels change.
Families don’t always need more hours. They need better hours. Moments of real connection. Listening without devices. Being seen, not just supported. Presence trumps perfection.
Context for NZ SMEs
Many New Zealand SMEs are family-run, which brings shared purpose but also blurred roles. Spouses, siblings and children often wear multiple hats. That creates commitment and conflict in equal measure.
Kiwi culture places high value on independence and sacrifice. Admitting that balance is a struggle feels like failure. But surveys show the opposite. Family-owned businesses often outperform others during downturns, provided they get the relational dynamics right. Pivotal People often help clients establish clear roles, shared goals and outside advisory input to make that possible.
Measuring Progress
Owners often see signs of improvement when:
Family commitments lead the diary
Staff manage well without daily oversight
Tension at home gives way to appreciation
Guilt fades and enjoyment returns
The house feels like home again, not a branch office
Liam knew he’d made progress when his son introduced him as “my dad who runs a business” rather than “the dad who’s never home.” Moana saw it when her children talked about the orchard’s future with curiosity instead of complaints.
A Final Thought
Balancing family and business is never easy. But without it, both suffer. The work matters, but the people matter more. When you involve family, set boundaries and accept support, you build a business that adds to your life instead of subtracting from it.
You sleep better when you know the people you love feel seen, not sidelined. That’s the kind of success Pivotal People believe in.
